OK but no this park has been haunting my dreams since I reblogged this yesterday and I did some research and just well here are a few of my favourite quotes you will not be disappointed with this park
- "The Alpine Slide concept was simple enough: you sat on a sled and descended down concrete tracks using a hand brake to control your speed, either slowly or at a speed described by a former park employee as "death awaits"."
- "The Tarzan Swing was known for scraped toe knuckles and also the shock that people would experience when their bodies were immersed in the icy cold water below. The water was so cold that people would forget how to swim once they hit it."
- "[The Cannonball Loop (ride pictured)] supposedly dismembered test dummies and maybe even a few park employees in trial runs.”
- "The Super Speedboats could go up to 35-40 miles an hour and were treated like bumper boats by park attendees. They were also set up in a swamp, in the middle of which was a small, rocky island populated by an uneasy alliance of water snakes and lifeguards."
- “They actually had the audacity to have a “slow” lane and a “fast” lane. They should have been called “injured” lane and “dead” lane.”
- “One of these vigorous “shoots” was particularly intriguing, as it would suck you in and then immediately make an abrupt 90 degree turn. Not a 45 degree turn. Not even a nice, slow, smooth, curvy 90 degree turn. No. It would literally slam you into a wall and toss you in a different direction and then project your young, gnarled body into a gooey pond of crying kids and water snakes. It was awesome.”
- “Finally, the third thing that would catch your attention was the ubiquitous “first aid cart.” Kind of like a golf cart, piloted by two zitty teens wearing oversized EMT shirts, the cart would inevitably be seen looping through the trails, grass, and little forests that surrounded the park.”
- “People giving the finger, shouting descriptive and awful things, and undressing in midair were commonplace.”
- "We used to steal kegs, drink the beer, ride the Indy cars down Route 94, crash the Indy cars, get the Indy cars back to the park without anybody seeing us (there were only three cops in Vernon back then) and then go for a swim at the pools to sober up."
And, my personal favourite:
- "The Cannonball Loop was the brainchild of some Swiss guy they imported on a week-long visa. I was one of the idiots that accepted you-know-who’s crisp $100 bill to test run it. That was my last ride. $100 did not buy enough booze to drown out that memory."
Oh man the wiki article for this place is great too.
The descriptions for every one of the rides are pretty much one sentence explaining what the ride is, and then five more sentences detailing all the different ways people got maimed on that ride.
"and the park eventually bought the township of Vernon extra ambulances to keep up with the volume."
i literally just read the wikipedia article for this
jesus fucking christ
how do you know youre asexual if you havent had sex???
how do you know you arent sexually attracted to toothpaste if youve never slathered your genitalia with it and shoved the tube up your anus????
how do you know?????
How to give head: A guide.
I am crying.
I freaking love Batman Dad! I also love how his family put up with it.
I CANT BREATHE
i love when she kickS HIM AND HE LOSE IT
"NO ONE KNOWS."
Hes the best
when everyone forgot how to play hockey at the same time
I don’t even like hockey but this made me laugh so hard I think I ruptured something
Under the sea played on bottles?!
speaking of white boys
please watch this this video made me into who i am today
The Origins of Heterosexuality.
JUST WATCH THIS PLEASE
THE ENDING OMFG
I was laughing so hard that i started crying